Full name: Ekpedeme Friday Udoh. It’s the freakin’ weekend baby, and I’m about to have me some fun (bounce bounce bounce bounce…)
YEARS PLAYED: 2010-2011
TEAMS: Warriors
POSITION: F, 6’10”, 240lbs
STATS: 3PTS, 2.5REB, 0.7AST in 14.6MIN
VIDEO GAME COVER APPEARANCES: 0 (yes, this one’s a fake, sorry.)
Makes for a great beat when translated into German on Google.
YEARS PLAYED: 2001-04
TEAMS: Trailblazers
POSITION: C, 7’0”, 257lbs
STATS: 1.0PTS, 0.8REB, 0.1AST in 6.3MIN
TIMES DUNKED ON IN THE GERMAN BASKETBALL LEAGUE: enough for a top 10 video.
His apparently blind grandmother thought that he looks like Winnie the Pooh.
YEARS PLAYED: 1989-99
TEAMS: Timberwolves, Pacers, Clippers
POSITION: G, 6’1”, 180lbs
STATS: 11.1PTS, 2.8REB, 6.5AST in 30.4MIN
TIMES SOMEBODY OTHER THAN HIS GRANDMOTHER MISTOOK HIM FOR A YELLOW BEAR STUFFED WITH FLUFF: 0
YEARS PLAYED: 2010-Present
TEAMS: Timberwolves
POSITION: F, 6’6”, 245lbs
STATS: 3.6PTS, 1.7REB, 0.7AST in 10.3MIN
14. SERGE IBAKA
His full name: Sergeballu LaMu Sayonga Loom Walahas Jonas Hugo Ibaka.
YEARS PLAYED: 2009-Present
TEAMS: Oklahoma City Thunder
POSITION: F, 6’10”, 220lbs
STATS: 9.2PTS, 7.3REB, 0.3AST in 25.9MIN (this season, as of March 4)
FAVORITE FISH: humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa (I assume)
Alwayz uzed Z’z in place of S’z whenever it waz pozzible. Yizz.
YEARS PLAYED: 1952-55
TEAMS: Indianapolis Olympians, Philadelphia Warriors
POSITION: F/C, 6’7”, 215lbs
STATS: 6.8PTS, 4.1REB, 1.2AST in 19.7MIN
TIMES ZAWOLUK’S MOTHER BEAT A PLAYER’S HEAD WITH AN UMBRELLA: at least once
Once told Bucks forward Terry Cummings during a game, “Boy, yo mama so dumb she thought Taco Bell was the Mexican phone company.” Not bad, not bad.
YEARS PLAYED: 1988-89
TEAMS: Pistons
POSITION: F, 6’5”, 215lbs
STATS: 1.2PTS, 0.7REB, 0.2AST in 2.4MIN
NUMBER OF 2011 CELTICS WHOSE JERSEY NUMBERS ARE HIGHER THAN DEMBO’S TOTAL MINUTES PLAYED (74): One (recently-signed Sasha Pavlovic, #77)
To make it perfect, his middle name is Konstantin and he went to Effingham High School.
YEARS PLAYED: 1985-90
TEAMS: Mavericks, Warriors, Spurs
POSITION: C, 7’1”, 252lbs
STATS: 2.1PTS, 1.2REB, 0.4AST in 8.4MIN
BIGGEST CAREER TRANSACTION: Traded for Christian Ansgar Welp on February 22, 1990, the same day that Milli Vanilli won the Grammy for Best New Artist.
Almost too many sweet names for one post.
Changed his name from Tony Del Pasta to avoid sounding too Italian, but to no avail. Also, “del negro” translated means “the black” or “of black,” a thousand and four percent accurate.
YEARS PLAYED: 1988-2002
TEAMS: Kings, Spurs, Bucks, Warriors, Suns
POSITION: G, 6’4”, 185lbs
STATS: 9.1PTS, 2.3REB, 3.2AST in 24.9MIN
ESTIMATED NUMBER OF LOUD, AFFECTIONATE FAMILY MEMBERS: 31
9. GOD SHAMMGOD
Taught Kobe how to dribble, is Ray Allen’s father AND founded the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
YEARS PLAYED: 1997-98 (yes, one season)
TEAMS: Wizards
POSITION: G, 6’0”, 169lbs
STATS: 3.1PTS, 0.4REB, 1.8AST in 7.3MIN
FACT: Kobe scored at least as many points in one game than Shammgod did in his NBA career (61) four different times.
I do much more basketball writing at my main site, NBAmmkay, so go take a gander over there.
No professional athlete should have these names.
If there is somebody you feel belongs on this site, feel free to submit his name.
Check out my tumblr blog at derricketc.tumblr.com
