18. Ekpe Udoh

EKPE UDOH

imageFull name: Ekpedeme Friday Udoh.  It’s the freakin’ weekend baby, and I’m about to have me some fun (bounce bounce bounce bounce…)

YEARS PLAYED: 2010-2011

TEAMS: Warriors

POSITION: F, 6’10”, 240lbs

STATS: 3PTS, 2.5REB, 0.7AST in 14.6MIN

VIDEO GAME COVER APPEARANCES: 0 (yes, this one’s a fake, sorry.)

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17. RUBEN BOUMTJE-BOUMTJE

Makes for a great beat when translated into German on Google.

YEARS PLAYED: 2001-04

TEAMS: Trailblazers

POSITION: C, 7’0”, 257lbs

STATS: 1.0PTS, 0.8REB, 0.1AST in 6.3MIN

TIMES DUNKED ON IN THE GERMAN BASKETBALL LEAGUE: enough for a top 10 video.

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16. Pooh Richardson

POOH RICHARDSON

imageHis apparently blind grandmother thought that he looks like Winnie the Pooh.

YEARS PLAYED: 1989-99

TEAMS: Timberwolves, Pacers, Clippers

POSITION: G, 6’1”, 180lbs

STATS: 11.1PTS, 2.8REB, 6.5AST in 30.4MIN

TIMES SOMEBODY OTHER THAN HIS GRANDMOTHER MISTOOK HIM FOR A YELLOW BEAR STUFFED WITH FLUFF: 0

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15. Lazar Hayward

LAZAR HAYWARD

imageIMMA FIRIN MA LAZAR!

YEARS PLAYED: 2010-Present

TEAMS: Timberwolves

POSITION: F, 6’6”, 245lbs

STATS: 3.6PTS, 1.7REB, 0.7AST in 10.3MIN

HOW COOL I ASSUME HIS PARENTS ARE

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14. SERGE IBAKA

His full name: Sergeballu LaMu Sayonga Loom Walahas Jonas Hugo Ibaka.

YEARS PLAYED: 2009-Present

TEAMS: Oklahoma City Thunder

POSITION: F, 6’10”, 220lbs

STATS: 9.2PTS, 7.3REB, 0.3AST in 25.9MIN (this season, as of March 4)

FAVORITE FISH: humu­humu­nuku­nuku­āpuaʻa (I assume)

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13. Zeke Zawoluk

ZEKE ZAWOLUK

imageAlwayz uzed Z’z in place of S’z whenever it waz pozzible. Yizz.

YEARS PLAYED: 1952-55

TEAMS: Indianapolis Olympians, Philadelphia Warriors

POSITION: F/C, 6’7”, 215lbs

STATS: 6.8PTS, 4.1REB, 1.2AST in 19.7MIN

TIMES ZAWOLUK’S MOTHER BEAT A PLAYER’S HEAD WITH AN UMBRELLA: at least once

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12. Fennis Dembo

FENNIS DEMBO

imageOnce told Bucks forward Terry Cummings during a game, “Boy, yo mama so dumb she thought Taco Bell was the Mexican phone company.”  Not bad, not bad.

YEARS PLAYED: 1988-89

TEAMS: Pistons

POSITION: F, 6’5”, 215lbs

STATS: 1.2PTS, 0.7REB, 0.2AST in 2.4MIN

NUMBER OF 2011 CELTICS WHOSE JERSEY NUMBERS ARE HIGHER THAN DEMBO’S TOTAL MINUTES PLAYED (74): One (recently-signed Sasha Pavlovic, #77)

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11. Uwe Blab

UWE BLAB

imageTo make it perfect, his middle name is Konstantin and he went to Effingham High School.

YEARS PLAYED: 1985-90

TEAMS: Mavericks, Warriors, Spurs

POSITION: C, 7’1”, 252lbs

STATS: 2.1PTS, 1.2REB, 0.4AST in 8.4MIN

BIGGEST CAREER TRANSACTION: Traded for Christian Ansgar Welp on February 22, 1990, the same day that Milli Vanilli won the Grammy for Best New Artist.

Almost too many sweet names for one post.

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10. Vinny Del Negro

VINNY DEL NEGRO

imageChanged his name from Tony Del Pasta to avoid sounding too Italian, but to no avail.  Also, “del negro” translated means “the black” or “of black,” a thousand and four percent accurate.

YEARS PLAYED: 1988-2002

TEAMS: Kings, Spurs, Bucks, Warriors, Suns

POSITION: G, 6’4”, 185lbs

STATS: 9.1PTS, 2.3REB, 3.2AST in 24.9MIN

ESTIMATED NUMBER OF LOUD, AFFECTIONATE FAMILY MEMBERS: 31

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9. GOD SHAMMGOD

Taught Kobe how to dribble, is Ray Allen’s father AND founded the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

YEARS PLAYED: 1997-98 (yes, one season)

TEAMS: Wizards

POSITION: G, 6’0”, 169lbs

STATS: 3.1PTS, 0.4REB, 1.8AST in 7.3MIN

FACT: Kobe scored at least as many points in one game than Shammgod did in his NBA career (61) four different times.

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